‘The 60th Birthday Party’ aka ‘What’s truly important to you’

I often use LinkedIn posts to share observations or lessons learned from my Executive Coaching practice hoping that they resonate with or help others. Today I’d like to share a tool which I’ve found effective: ‘The 60th Birthday Party’.

Recently a Coachee wanted to use our coaching time together to reflect upon where she is in her career and where she is heading – she is facing some imminent and difficult decisions which threatened to overwhelm her.

To help her get unstuck from the ‘immediate’ I suggested that she stretch her imagination to tap into what is truly important to her. I asked her to picture her 60-year-old-self at her Birthday Party, both giving a speech and listening to others speaking about her, and I asked her to reflect upon these questions:
·     What would be said about her achievements, both professional and personal?
·     What difference would she have made, and to whom?
·     What personal qualities would be praised?
·     What guests would be at the party, having played a key part in her life?
·     What would she be ready to do next?
·     What would she hate to be missing from the speeches?

My role as Coach is not to judge whether the Coachee’s answers are ‘worthy’ or ‘appropriate’ but to give her a curious, safe and non-judgemental space in which she can really explore her reactions to these questions. From there, we can work together to craft the steps she wants to take to make what is truly important to her become her reality.

A powerful yet fun tool. Do let me know in the comments what you think of the 60th Birthday Party (or the options below).

P.S. I have experimented (as good coaches do!) with different versions of this tool. This one has been the most effective to date for my Coachees but others might appeal more to you. You could try ‘The Retirement Party’, a similar idea to the above with a different setting: whilst my Coachees found it overly focused on work, limiting space for consideration of personal alongside professional, you might welcome that distinction. Marshall Goldsmith (a leading coach) suggests the use of ’95-year-old you’ travelling back in time to share wisdom and advice with ‘current you’: whilst my Coachees found this too ‘whimsical’ it might free your imagination for truly creative thinking. As ever, whichever one works for you is the ‘right’ one!

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