As an Executive Coach & Mentor, with a focus on leadership, I regularly have clients tell me “I’d like to be more confident”.  It is a concern I like to dig into: when have you felt confident and when, conversely, have you lacked confidence?; what would ‘more confident’ look and feel like for you and what would others see differently in you?; whom do you admire who seems confident and what does that tell you around your expectations and perceptions of ‘confidence’?

Whilst for every client, the first steps thereafter towards more confidence might be different, there are a number of common areas on which we work together.

Know that you can grow in confidence.

The important thing to understand is that confidence is something you can learn and build: if you do not feel it right now, you have the power to change that.  But it is like physical fitness, you cannot simply say “I want to be fitter”, you have to change behaviours and take action which will result in better fitness, or, in this case, greater confidence.

Start with your strengths

I am a huge believer in focusing on your strengths as a means of both improving performance and increasing confidence.  Typically, you get confident when you do something well: so, get clear on your strengths and find ways to use those strengths in what you do every day.  When you are actively using your strengths, you feel engaged and energised, and you perform well – all helping to build confidence.  Take it further by strengthening your skills eg identify one or two topics which interest you and invest time in learning more about those areas to add your expertise, so that you both trust your knowledge and feel confident in using it well.  And ensure that others know about your expertise, such as by leading presentations on a topic, as that external acknowledgement of you as a subject-matter-expert may further bolster your confidence.

Revisit past successes and celebrate new ones

When you lack confidence, there is a tendency to forget or to minimise your successes (“Oh, I was just lucky”; or, “it was really all down to my team”).  It can be powerful to look back at your successes, and reflect upon what you did well and what personal resources and skills you drew upon.  For some people, a ‘positive diary’ is helpful: capture in writing at the end of each day things which you did well and/or positive feedback and compliments from others: the act of writing down these successes helps you recognise what you achieved and also gives you a record of good stuff you can look back at when you need a wee boost of confidence.

Recognise and challenge your inner critic

Think of your inner critic as a person with an opinion.  Like your Mum, this critic sometimes has a useful opinion; but other times (perhaps also like your Mum) it is best to smile and nod and ignore the opinion . Sometimes an inner critic can be particularly unkind: if this is happening I would ask you ‘would you speak like that to your best friend?’; if not, work on speaking to yourself with the same kindness and support you would extend to others.  Cut out negative language about yourself and think about what you can do rather than what you cannot.

Tackle your development areas

If there are genuinely development areas which are affecting your confidence, make a plan to reduce or eliminate them and tackle it one step at a time.  If it is a topic you do not fully understand, ask someone to explain it to you – asking for help to grow your knowledge is a sign of strength not a weakness.  If it is a skill you lack, there is no substitute for practice: ‘practice makes perfect’ is an adage for a reason, and even if you do not become perfect, becoming better will bolster your confidence!  And remember, it is okay to make mistakes: mistakes help us to learn and improve.  Next time you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up about it, reflect on It as a learning opportunity you can use to ensure future successes rather than mistakes.  Hold your head high and smile: the right attitude will go a long way to helping you think more positively and grow in confidence.

Keep your knowledge fresh and share it generously

When you feel you ‘know your stuff’, you can speak with confidence about it.  So be sure to keep on top of the latest news and trends in your area through reading, seminars, podcasts, conferences and the like; and keep your skills fresh through regular training and development.  Seek out opportunities to help people who can learn from your knowledge, experience and advice.  Seeing others benefit from knowledge which you may well take for granted offers a triple benefit: it helps them, which makes you feel good about yourself, and reinforces your confidence in what you have to offer.  

Challenge yourself

Accomplishing something you did not think was possible can provide a great boost to your confidence.  At work, seek out projects or assignments which give you an opportunity to use your strengths, learn new skills and stretch yourself.  Outside work, try something new which will give you satisfaction and confidence in learning it.  Or step right outside your comfort zone: several years ago, despite being scared of heights, I undertook a sky dive for charity – after the fear, the adrenaline rush and the amazing feeling of achievement, my confidence was sky-high, as I was able to do so much more than I had thought was possible. 

You will be relieved to hear that you do not need to jump out of a plane to build your confidence – but find and conquer what takes you out of your comfort zone and reap the reward of deep personal satisfaction and increased confidence!

In summary, in my experience of working with coaching clients, confidence can be nurtured and grown through thoughtful changes in behaviours – generally being kinder to yourself about your shortcomings and more generous in recognising your strengths.  When you constructively reflect upon your skills, experience and achievements, you often find there is a lot more to be confident about than you realise!   

This is the third in a series of topics which arise in my coaching practice: my thoughts on growing as a leader as your team grows can be found here https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/growing-your-team-grows-3-areas-consider-irene-grant/ and changing organisations or careers can be found herehttps://www.linkedin.com/pulse/changing-organisation-career-4-adages-consider-irene-grant/

Posted in Articles, Four common themes from my coaching work