How do you want to show up?
I recently wrote about the Power of Reflection https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-reflection-irene-grant
Whilst the beauty of reflection is that you choose what to reflect upon – what’s important for you at that time – I thought it might be useful to follow up with a suggestion for Reflection which I also use in my Executive Coaching: “How do you want to show up?”
This reflection is a great combination of concept which is simple to do but offers potentially significant impact. It is equally applicable in work (as a leader, line manager, colleague) or personal life (friend, partner, sibling, parent, child, or even as a stranger).
Your three words
The basic reflection is simple: think of 3 words which describe who you are when you are at your best. These are the words which underpin how you want to impact others and how you want to be known. Questions may help your reflections:
· How would you like someone to describe you to others when you are not in the room?
· When you think of people who inspire you, what is it about them that you admire?
· How do you want to make others feel?
I’m not going to provide a long list of words you can choose from: you’re all smart people and there are a gazillion words you could choose; the fun (and hard work) is in reflecting upon those which are genuinely right for you.
Define your three words
As you reflect, consider what those 3 words mean to you. When I first studied coaching, an assignment asked that I reflect upon what personal values I would bring to coaching; through reflection I identified that these are my 3 words:
· Integrity: a desire to be true to myself and to others, to do the right thing, and be straightforward without hidden agenda.
· Equality: a fundamental view that all individuals are entitled to equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents, and that all voices have an equal right to be heard.
· Commitment to be my best self: “if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well” was an oft-used phrase in my parents’ house; for me this means me a strong work ethic, a commitment to high standards, and a desire for ongoing personal development and learning.
Of course, it’s your reflection, so if you want to add a fourth word that’s OK. I would encourage you, however, not to go beyond 4 words because otherwise it risks becoming a ‘bucket list’ of all the great qualities you think you should have rather than the essence of how you want to show up.
Bring your three words to life
At its simplest level this piece of reflection should fuel your self-awareness: now you know the key values which are core to you. To lift the reflection to genuinely impactful you need to be intentional and use this enhanced self-awareness to choose consistent behaviours and actions which bring these words to life; that is how will you impact others in the way you want to. As my coachees have often heard me say: you choose your attitude and behaviours, actions and reactions!
What these behaviours and actions look like will depend, of course, upon the 3 words you have chosen and the context. Perhaps I can shed light, though, through continuing with one of my own examples – integrity: In coaching, confidentiality is critical. Therefore whenever I am introduced to a coaching assignment through someone within whom I have a connection – professional or personal – I always disclose this connection upfront to the coachee and ensure that all parties understand that I will never disclose to my connection what is discussed between the coachee and I. Does that lack of ‘chat’ sometimes rankle with my connection? Candidly, yes; Am I ever tempted to share ‘just a little bit’? Candidly, no. Honouring that commitment of confidentiality aligns to my sense of integrity and is therefore an absolute red line for me.
Understanding your team
This piece of reflection can also be used as an interesting exercise within a team, provided there is a good level of psychological safety (ie people feel safe within the team being open and honest). Reflecting upon and then sharing each colleague’s 3 words can strengthen the team by drawing on the diversity of motivations and building mutual understanding.
I hope that your find your reflection insightful and that your resultant behaviours and actions take you in the direction you want to go.