What does ‘success’ mean to you?
When a coaching client feels they are at a crossroads, one of the first questions I ask them is “what does ‘success’ mean to you?” Often it is not a question which they have consciously considered but doing so can bring a very different perspective to what the next chapter (and potentially beyond) should hold for them.
Here are some prompts (and reading suggestions) to help you reflect upon the question “what does ‘success’ mean to you?”
Who is currently determining what ‘success’ means for you? You are unique: your values, your skills, what excites you, what drains you, what creates stress for you, what makes you happy. It follows that whilst the experiences and expectations of others – partner, friends, family, colleagues , mentor – can be relevant, only you can decide what ‘success’ means for you. You should feel empowered to take the path less travelled if that’s the path which leads to your definition of ‘success’ even if others feel another path is more obvious. A great read on this theme is “Let my people go surfing” by Yvon Chouinard who took ‘unexpected’ decisions because he did not want Patagonia’s success to be measured in terms of $$ profits or market capitalisation (as business commentators expect) but by positive impact on our planet and people.
What is important to you? and what do you want to achieve? are two core interlinked questions. Our sense of purpose, values, drivers, ambitions are personal, therefore what you define as ‘success’ should be personal too. You might want to be a leader, but what kind of leader – what do you want to be known for? You aspire to start your own business, but what do you want it contribute to its customers, staff, wider community? Making a difference inspires you – what will that look like and for whom? There’s an excellent book by Giles Hutchins and Laura Storm who had clarity on this point “Regenerative Leadership” – they are clear that an approach where organisations flourish, ecosystems bloom and people thrive – is what ‘success’ means to them.
When can be whenever you want. I encourage my clients to consider ‘success’ in different timeframes: they might have an ultimate end-goal and want to build sequentially towards that ‘success’; they might want to simply tackle a new adventure and enjoy ‘success’ within it before re-inventing themselves for the next appealing adventure; they might have a different priority right now to what they expect in future years and that’s OK. I recommend reading “The 100-year Life” by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott for inspiration about leading a multiple-stage life, experimenting with transitions between living, working and learning.
Where can also be wherever you want, particularly in this age of remote working. Social media channels are full of examples of people for whom ‘where’ is part of what ‘success’ means for them: these range from so-called ‘digital nomads’ who want to incorporate constant travel into their work; through those for whom location is part of their new lifestyle choice (eg guiding hikes in the Highlands of Scotland); to those who move to a different continent or country simply for the life experience. For some, ‘where’ is fundamental to their definition of success: a great example is beautifully articulated in James Rebanks’ “The Shepherd’s Life” where ‘success’ for him is rooted in a deep attachment to place (in his case the Lake District), pride in hard work done well, and a sense of continuity through the generations.
“How do you want to move towards your defined ‘success’?” is the final question, as it is easier to take steps to head in the right direction if you know where you want to go! I would advocate brainstorming lots of options for actions then narrowing down to those which feel right for you. But before you take those steps I would recommend reading “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Anchor to prompt further (perhaps alternative) reflection: it is instilled in us from a young age that if you work hard you will be more successful, and if you are more successful, then you will be happy; but Anchor challenges that, highlighting that studies in the field of positive psychology show that this approach is backward – ie happiness fuels success, not the other way round. Well worth consideration as you define what ‘success’ means to you.
The more eagle-eyed amongst you might notice that there is no ‘why’ prompt. That is simply because I am not keen on the question ‘why’. It can carry overtones of ‘justify yourself’ and that’s the opposite of what this piece of reflection is seeking to achieve.
To finish, I would advocate being kind to yourself when undertaking this piece of reflection. There was a period in my life when I was juggling a demanding job which entailed lots of travel, supporting a mother with dementia and a father struggling to reconcile to this horrible disease, two teenagers who needed their Mum, friends who rarely saw me, and a husband who probably felt very low in my list of priorities; at that time ‘success’ for me meant reaching the end of each week without letting someone down. A candid and all-too-common example intended to highlight that you should feel no pressure to answer these prompts with single-minded high-achieving career-focused responses; your definition of ‘success’ should (indeed must) incorporate whatever elements of life are important to you.
P.S. A coach can really help with this piece of reflection. To explore how, call me on 07803 848884 or email irene@craigelachie.org.uk